The Monster Within
by cabch9878
Summary: Sorry i'm bad at these, but this is my first fanfic. Okay so Allen kind of looses control, but what is the darkness that is inside Allen... could it be himself?
1. Chapter 1

**The Monster Within**

"Lenalee go right! I'll go left!"

"Okay Allen!"

Lenalee dove to the right while I dove left. The strategy was to trap the akuma and have Kanda come from below to finish it off. So far all was going okay, until the akuma started to chuckle a little. Using my left eye I saw what the akuma was about to do.

"Lenalee jump up now!" But it was too late. The akuma had fired a blood bullet at Lenalee and it hit her square in the chest.

As she began to fall I could see tears form around her eyes and an intense look of pain and shock on her face. I thought the world around us was staring to crumble. _Lenalee…why did this happen to you? _

Then the world faded to a blurry blob as an intense anger welled up from within me. Vaguely I could hear Kanda yelling for me to do something, but I couldn't quite make out what. The feeling of my body moving on its own came to my mind. I could see flashes of my innocence tearing the akuma we were fighting apart. The look of pain so vividly etched on its face as it tried to escape, but it could not escape my wrath, it didn't have a chance.

After the akuma was officially killed, I could hear myself roar an inhuman growl, a growl like nothing in the world mattered, only the fact that I must kill everything in sight. My eyes went to Kanda who was trying to help Lenalee. My body twitched, every cell was screaming at me to kill Kanda. I charged and I almost hit him, but he dodged in the last moment before my attack hit.

"Oy! What's wrong with you Beansprout? You almost hit us!"

But his words were lost on me. I charged him and attacked from several points this time, leaving Kanda almost no time to scoop Lenalee up to keep her from getting hit by me.

_No this is wrong, why am I doing this to Kanda and Lenalee. Lenalee! I have to help her! _

But my thought wouldn't reach my body as it continued to attack Kanda. He looked confused, but more pissed off than anything. He yelled "Mugen unsheathe, innocence activate!" He threw an attack of his First Illusions: Netherworld Insects at me to block me long enough so he could hide Lenalee down in the bushes. Her face was of pain and it hurt me to see it like that. When Kanda's first illusion was destroyed by me I charged him and continued to fight him like a feral monster.

While my body was fighting Kanda in the real world, my mind was fighting itself on the inside. I saw myself standing before me, but it wasn't me. This "Me" had a sinister aura surrounding it and a creepy sneer like he was planning something. He raised his hand and said something under his breath I couldn't make out. Suddenly I was thrown back and was forced on the ground. All the wind had been knocked out of me as the other "Me" chuckled an almost evil laugh.

In a chance to learn more of my attacker I asked while trying to gather my breath "Who are you?"

"Why silly I am you" it replied in a raspy voice.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked a bit more apprehensive now.

The other "Me" chuckled again and this time came into my face. "I am you. I am your emotions you keep bottled up to be more precise. Anger. Hate. Jealousy. Lust. All the things you refused to show to those around you I am. The only reason we are here like this is because of your cute little crush you have on that Lenalee girl."

"So is that you fighting Kanda right now?"

"Oh no, it's us. You always wanted to go all out on Kanda with no limitations because of how he mocks you, but you never wanted to act upon that desire. That's where I come in. With me together with you, we can do anything. We are unstoppable."

I thought what he said over for a minute, but I found my resolve soon after. "No I don't want this, any of it, so why don't you just beat it and go back into being nothing but unwanted desires."

"As you wish my master, but know this, I will always be right here whenever you need me. See you later." And with a final chuckle, he was gone.

I closed my eyes and opened them again standing up in the original field where we had been fighting that akuma. I looked around at my surroundings with a puzzled look on my face. _Why does this place look like a battlefield?_ Then my thoughts hit me. _Oh my god! Lenalee! _I searched frantically around. I couldn't see Kanda or Lenalee anywhere.

I was beginning to panic. _Where could they have gone? What have I done to Kanda? With Lenalee hurt like she is, she only has minutes before she'll be dead! Where are they?" _

A moan from the bushes caused me to look. Kanda was leaning over Lenalee with his wrist over her mouth giving her what looked like his blood to her. Even as I watched, I could start to see the akuma pentacles start to disappear. She was going to live.

When Lenalee was stable enough, Kanda moved away from her and began to approach me.

"Hey Kanda what happened here? I mean why is it so-"

BAM!

Kanda's fist connected with my face. "BAKA BEANSPROUT! What the hell happened to you? You turned into some kind of monster and tried to kill me and Lenalee! So what the hell happened to you out there?"

I looked Kanda square in the eyes and then I noticed how banged up he was. Most of his clothes had been torn or ripped. He had blood coming from several places on his body, and he was shaking as if just yelling at me was putting a strain on his body.

"Kanda we need to get you ch-"

"Answer me!" he yelled back. "What the hell happened to you back there?"

I looked away from Kanda and starred at Lenalee who was breathing steadily on the ground. Then I closed my eyes and stared at my feet. "I don't know what happened."

"Chh!" Kanda huffed and walked back to Lenalee. Before he reached her he turned around and said "I don't know what happened to you out there, but I can never trust someone on a mission if they can turn around and attack their teammates like a rabid dog. I will be reporting this to the Order."

With that he moved back to Lenalee and began to set up camp before tending to his injuries. I stayed away from camp to become lost in my thoughts.

_Why did I attack Kanda? And what if it happens again. Maybe I am just some kind of monster waiting to be released._

I decided brooding on my thoughts to much wasn't good, so I closed my eyes and began to fall a sleep, but not before hearing one last raspy chuckle from the evil one inside. The monster who is "Me". 


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW I DON'T OWN D. GRAY MAN!**

"Oy! Wake up Baka Beansprout."

A sharp kick to the head followed the rude awakening comment. I reached up to my head with a small curse under my breath and I look up to see Kanda giving me an angry look.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing just get ready to leave within the next twenty minutes. We're heading back to the Order."

"Kanda… how's Lenalee?"

"She's fine. Now get ready." And with that he walked away without another word.

_What the hell is his problem? _But I knew the answer. The events of the previous day were still fresh in my mind and obviously Kanda wasn't going to let what happened go.

I got up and packed my things in my bag and I walked over to camp to see how they were doing. Kanda was quietly packing all the stuff up while Lenalee sat on a rock staring out into space.

"Good morning Lenalee. How are you feeling today?"

"Allen! Oh, um I'm doing fine. How about yourself?"

"I guess I'm okay." And with that the conversation ended. In less than twenty minutes, the three of them started to make their way back to the Order.

The way back was awkward. No one said anything and they just gave each other uncomfortable glances out of the corner of their eyes. Finally after three days of this silence they reached the Order.

They walked through the gates of the Order and were greeted by Johnny.

"Welcome home everyone! How was the mission?" he asked with a smile on his face.

Kanda totally blew him off and walked off to an unknown place. Lenalee however met his smile in return and said "It went well I guess. It was a success and we all came back home so I guess you could say mission accomplished." She didn't mention me going crazy on her and Kanda.

"Thank God! I was really worried about you guys but obviously I had nothing to worry about. Right Allen?"

"Yeah I guess. Listen I have to go. Let's talk later okay?"

"Okay I guess." He said in a depressed voice.

I walked away from them and began to follow the trail that I thought Kanda might have taken. It didn't take a genius to realize that he probably went to go see Komui. He said he was going to report the incident to the Order, but I didn't think he would go right away, but this is Kanda we're talking about here.

I try to think about what I'm going to say to Komui, but nothing comes to mind. I get to his office and hear Kanda already inside. From what I could hear, he was already talking about the incident that happened. I knock on the door and hear from inside "Enter."

Cautiously I opened the door and say "Komui I need to talk to you about what Kanda has probably told you about that happened to me on the mission."

He looked stiff as I said this, but he said in a calm voice "Go ahead."

And so I began.

**Thanks for reading guys! I know not a lot happened in this chapter, but i have some things in mind for the future. again thanks for reading and please review for me! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Someone else owns man… not me! **

It's been about three months since I reported my outburst to Komui. Kanda has been avoiding me and Lenalee can't seem to meet my eyes since I left her when we got back to the Order. I have a feeling Komui told her to be wary of me since I was really just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

Since the outburst I have not left the Order once and have been reduced to helping Reever and Johnny out in the labs. On the outside I act as though everything is fine, but on the inside I'm fighting a losing battle. In the past three months I can feel the other "Me" trying to come out of the dark parts of my mind and take over. On several occasions I heard his evil chuckle reminding me that he is still there inside me.

Today I was helping Reever with a new type of food that will give the exorcists even more energy while they are fighting. He asked me to take some boxes of files back down to the records room and I agreed. The walk there was pretty uneventful, just a couple of scientists walking around trying to make their way back to their work quickly. I dropped the files down in the corner of the room and began to turn around when all of a sudden there was a shriek and papers were thrown everywhere.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled as I went to go pick up the papers. I took a look at the person that I knocked down and realized that it was Lenalee.

"Owwww- oh hey Allen. Can you give me a hand?" she said looking down at the floor of papers.

For the next several minutes, there was a stiff silence in the room as papers were shuffled and put back in order.

"Alright that's the last of them." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, thanks Allen." She said. Lenalee started to walk away and I knew that if I didn't talk to her now then it would probably be another three months before the chance arouse again.

"Hey Lenalee, I want to talk about something with you." I said a little nervously.

"Um… sure Allen. What is it you want to talk about?"

A huge lump filled in my throat. "I… uh… w-wanted to… uh… talk to you about what happened three months ago on our…um… mission."

Her face went a little hard. "What do you want to talk about that for?"

Finally getting my voice I said "I wanted to tell you what went through my head when you got hurt. All I felt was anger, rage, and helplessness as you were hurt by that akuma. I felt crushed and devastated, but then an urge came over me as my only thought became to kill the creature that hurt you and then that was it. I lost control. I became consumed by my anger and… I heard a voice. This voice told me to join it and become a better being that couldn't be rivaled." I stop to look at her.

Her face is a mixture of fear, shock, and pity. She looks unsure of what to say until she says "So why are you telling me this Allen?"

"Because Lenalee, I like you and when you got hurt, I didn't know what I would do if you died and I kind of lost it. I'm sorry."

"Oh Allen, I… I'm sorry. I don't know what to do." Her eyes filled with tears when she said this and she ran away crying.

"Lenalee!" I called after her, but she was already far enough away and I figured she would need her space.

"_Soooo…she dumped you huh. Saw that one coming from a mile away."_

It was the voice from the other "Me". His taunting voice was definitely not what I needed right now. "Shut up."

"_It must be so infuriating to have that bitch ignore your feelings and run from you like you're a monster."_

"Shut up!"

"_You would think that she would at least thank you for your honesty. I mean you basically told her I'm a crazy whack job who likes you and will probably hurt you if you even hook up with because I'm just a little shit-"_

"SHUT UP_!"_I screamed punching the wall next to me.

"Allen!"

A female voice cried out. I opened my eyes and saw Lenalee standing right next to me. Her eyes full of concern and worry, but she turned around and ran from me for the second time that day.

"Damn it." I said out loud. I walked from the room and instead of going to the science lab to go back to helping Reever; I walked straight to my room.

I slammed the door shut and buried myself on my bed. "Damn it." I said again, this time there was some bitter tears with it. I wanted to try and make things up with Lenalee and now I only made things worse. What's wrong with me?

"_Nothing that's gonna be fixed that's for sure."_

"Go away!" I shouted angrily. The other "Me" chuckled and disappeared before I could say anything else.

I closed my eyes and thought there is no way that things could possibly get worse for me with Lenalee and everything else. Oh I hope I didn't just jinx myself.


End file.
